It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
