If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
