we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
