I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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