I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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