and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
