When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
