just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
