my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
