I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Pants are for mortals
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
