i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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