you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
