i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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