I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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