i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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