So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
of course. lets lasso hookers.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
