meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
