Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
