just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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