My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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