i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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