dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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