Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
