I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
