i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
