why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
