Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??