is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
