Pappa wants mamma naked
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
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and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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