if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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