Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
