So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
