Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
