he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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