i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think I just sharted jello shots
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