im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
