She is in my trunk
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
