why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
