She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
