Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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