He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
