"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
