My brain says no but my pants say off.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
