He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
