And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
