You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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