I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
