I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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