So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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