Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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