FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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