Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
