i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
