YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
