Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
