i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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