I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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