How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
