why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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