Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
