Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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