dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
