i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
