I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
