Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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