Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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