So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
