apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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