So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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